Bit of backstory: most of my family is at co-op which means that I had to stay downstairs with the youngest kids who stayed home because that are sick. My dad is also home and in the same room as me as I watch Twilight. He, needless to say, didn't know I was watching Twilight and I wasn't exactly hiding it, but just not broadcasting my evil doings.
As I began I decided to bombard Whaleton with texts about the movie and I have edited them for *ahem* viewing purposes.
ME: I'm watching Twilight because I'm bored and I'm going to send you updates.
OK So, so far all Bella says is "Uh...oh....ummm...humm....gahhh....ahhhh."
And there is definitely tension between Bella and Edward, but like awkward tension, not romantic.
And Edward is really awkward
but like kinda gorgeous
I may have standards, but I'm not blind.
OK so like how does no one question why the Cullens aRE SO PALE
WHY IS EVERYONE SO AWKWARD
LIKE WHAT'S UP IS THERE SOMETHING IN THE DRINKING WATER.
God he is so rude,
like just slap him already Bella.
OK Edward just saved her from potential rapists
"You don't know what they were thinking."
I'M PRETTY SURE SHE KNOWS WHAT THEY WERE THINKING
THEY WEREN'T GOING TO INVITE HER TO A TEA PARTY.
IS IT WEIRD I MIGHT BE GETTING A LITTLE INTO THIS
LIKE HE ASKS HER TO DINNER AND I'M LIKE "OOHHHHHHH FINALLY."
OK he's kinda cute
KINDA
Bella is still a terrible character
I JUST REALIZED THAT I'M DRINKING RED CRANBERRY JUICE WHILE I'M WATCHING A MOVIE ABOUT VAMPIRES
KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS
GOD NO WHAT AM I DOING
STOP GETTING INTO THIS CATHERINE
Doctor: He was killed by an.....animal attack *looks at Edward knowingly*
Bella: Oh my god, is it the same animal that killed that other guy?
Doctor: Most likely *looks at Edward*
Bella: Oh my god, I can't believe it.
Doctor: I know *looks at Edward*
SUBTLE DUDE REAL SUBTLE
SO SHE FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT
Ok so Edward has some awesome coats.
random fact
but totally true
Did....did they just SKIP SCHOOL?!
HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO GET INTO VAMPIRE COLLEGE IF YOU SKIP SCHOOL.
God, I hate teenagers....
OK the cinematography of this movie is terrible
VAMPIRE FINALLY SHE SAID IT HE IS A VAMPIRE
"are you afraid?"
"no"
You're an idiot Bella
AND NOW HE IS RUNNING SUPER FAST WITH HER ON HIS BACK
I HATE THIS MOVIE
*Edward shows sparkly skin*
Bella: You're beautiful.
Me out loud: Oh God why.
I may have forgotten to mention that I'm watching it downstairs in the same room as my dad so say "Oh God why." out loud is not a good idea
Edward: I've killed people.
Bella: It doesn't matter.
Me OUT LOUD AGAIN: IT KINDA DOES MATTER.
Dad is getting suspicious....
Bella: I'm not afraid of you.
Edward: You blind bitch? I a killa.
GHETTO TWILIGHT I NEED IT IN MY LIFE NOW
I JUST REALIZED THAT EDWARD HAS NICHOLAS' SMILE. YOUR NICHOLAS HAS A VAMPIRE SMILE.
YOU MUST KILL HIM WITH FIRE NOW, WE HAVE PROOF THAT HE IS VAMPIRE BECAUSE HE HAS A SMILE LIKE ONE.
I THINK I'M ON TEAM JACOB
CAUSE JACOB IS SERIOUSLY CUTE TOO
AND HE IS LIKE MORE NORMAL
The effects are terrible.
OK that's it. I'm halfway done and I'm giving up until later. This movie will be the death of me.
TWO HOURS LATER
Started it up again.
OK so Bella's vegetarian diet is annoying me, SHE COULD HAVE STEAK FOR GOD'S SAKE BUT INSTEAD SHE HAS A SALAD?
OK he is leaning in
is he going to kiss her or eat her
I will let you know
kissing apparently
and the worst kiss of all time too
I can hear their mouths squishing
Yeah so telling your dad you are dating a guy while he is cleaning a gun is not a good idea
OMG HE COCKED HIS GUN AND SAID "BRING HIM IN" HAHAHAHA I LOVE THIS GUY
BEST CHARACTER
SO she is not at all creeped out by the words "You are my life now."?
As the minutes go by Bella gets stupider and stupider
WHOA THIS ENDING THO
WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS
When your vampire boyfriend tells you to leave.....YOU LEAVE FOR GOD SAKES
Also why does no one ever use the more traditional methods of killing vampires what happened there.
EVEN THOUGH EDWARD HAS LIVED FOR LIKE 700 YEARS HE APPARENTLY NEVER LEARNED TO KISS.
TOO MUCH SQUISHING.
BELLA HAS THE BEST DAD EVER
OHHHHHH TENSION BETWEEN EDWARD AND JACOB
BELLA'S DRESS JUST CHANGED COLORS BETWEEN SCENES
This movie has ruined "Flightless Bird, American Mouth" for me.
This movie has ruined a lot of things for me
LIKE RELATIONSHIPS
OH JUST KISS ALREADY
THE SEXUAL TENSION IS KILLING ME
FINALLY
ANNNNNNND EDWARD STILL CAN'T KISS PROPERLY.
IF I CAN HEAR YOUR MOUTHS SMACK, IT'S NOT A GOOD SIGN.
THIS MOVIE WAS DIRECTED BY A CATHERINE.
YOU, MA'AM RUIN THE GOOD NAMES OF CATHERINES.
I'm just going to go burn my eyes out now
and then write a blog post about this
thanks for being my guinea pig.
And that's what happened. I was going to write a review, but I was too laz- *ahem* busy. I was too busy. Yeah, that works. Too busy.
Kat.
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